I braved it. Phoned the hairdressers this morning and got an appointment for this afternoon. Figured it best to go asap before I chicken out, as I have done the last few times. I like my hair, but I've been getting bored of it recently. Every girl likes the "Oooooh, have you had your hair cut" line, and having the same cut every time has meant I've been low on these comments the past few visits because I just don't look any different. So I did it. I fringed it!!! Now at first I was full of regret, she chopped it so long to start that I was sat there looking in the mirror at one of them extreme, inspirational opposed to functional, hair models with a fringe down to my nose. Still feeling regretful as she chopped away at it. Had I been brave or downright stupid? Gradually she cut in to it and it started to grow on me. Having not had a fringe for a few years it feels odd having it on my face but the boyfriend loves it and it was the first time I've ever come out of the hairdressers not feeling the need to go home and restyle it myself. Got home to the comment from my dad "Ooooooh, have you had your hair cut". Now, this may have been the response I was going for but with it being so obvious that I have, I was quite confused as to why he had to ask 
Last night I watched 'Half Ton Son' on channel 4. These shows never really work for me. I imagine most people see them, and feel disgusted and don't want to touch food. I was just hungry the whole way through, happy in the knowledge that one bag of crisps wouldn't lead me to such an extreme fatty. But then there is the opposite style of program. 'Extreme Skinny Celebrities'... these programs do not seem to do their job properly for me. I imagine they are meant to teach me to eat sensibly and show how insane these people's eating habits are. Instead though they set off the anorexic that lives in my head, she is quite good friends with the manic depressive up there. They make me wonder, if they can do it then why can't I? Why is my will power so crap compared to theirs, the only way I lose weight is by getting too depressed to eat.
So today, when I was rudely awoken from my insanely happy comfy sleep by the step sister blasting out NDubz in her room under me, I decided to get back to exercising. The fatty made me want a bag of crisps, but then my anorexic mind was absolutely disgusted by it and forced me to work it off. I havn't done this for a few weeks, but before that I had gone for years without exercising. So why did I feel more dead after a few weeks break than I did after a few years break. I thought I was going to have a heart attack, when did I get so unfit??? So looks like I'm back to regular exercise... a new goal of becoming a kinetic machine capable of running a marathon in the desert without needing to stop once for water. Now, I know that they always say that generally wanting to be thin won't make you happy, its down to deeper psychological reasons. But having dropped a dress size from not eating much in my depressed state, I can honestly say that they are wrong. I am happier now that I am thinner. Although, also slightly insane because I have lost all focus. I am now the size I have always wanted to be but if I can be that size why can't I be one size smaller? Ok, maybe they might have a point because happy as I am, I am now not satisfied with what I thought I would be. Not to worry though, hunger always gets the better of me sooner or later.
Tonight I need to spend some time on the job search, been a bit of a job free day. I'm starting to feel very naughty to need to get back on that or I'm going to have to just start doing the lottery. But hey, at least I've been feeling happier so giving myself a break from the depressing search hasn't been totally in vain. No-one wants to employ a crying fool.
Jobs Applied For_ 0
Tears_ 0
Knickers Found_ 0
Days of Not Watching Depressing News_ 5ish
