Diary Of A Design Graduates Dreams

I contemplated a bubble bath... but sitting alone with nothing but bubbles and my own thoughts was probably not the best idea.  So I had a hot chocolate, a giant muffin [those gigantic chocolate ones from Tesco... technically a small cake really] and thought happy thoughts.

Happiness is The Boyfriend [perfect/as close to Kian from Westlife as I could find]
                          The Family [better than I could ever wish for] 
                          The Dogs [my best friends, hey will play with me even if no-one else will]
                          The Friends [far away, but very special]
                          The Things in Life Worth Looking Foward To [Saturday night, woop woop!]
                          The Degree [currently no help, but life goal achieved and reminder that I can do things!]
                          The Fitness [allows me to eat huge mini-cake size muffins with limited guilt]
                          The Phone [my lifeline]
                          The Love Box [soppy box of things from the boyfriend]
                          The TV [a temporary escape from reality]
                          The Tidy Bedroom [a chaotic messy room is a chaotic messy mind]
                          The Teddys [or am I the only one who tells her worries to cuddly toys?]
                          The Park [calm,  happiness and nature... evidence of miracles]

This PMT is still sucking but when I remind myself of happy things, and the fact that it is over in a few days so I can return to my miserable [but well hidden] self, I cheer up a bit.  I'm not going to lie to myself today and say that I'll be more productive tomorrow.  I won't, I'll have the same struggle to get out of bed but this won't last forever... I hope.

"Some things in life exist simply to make life BEAUTIFUL"

Favourite Song Lyric_ "Take A Moment To Love The One You Are. Learn To Accept Yourself"
Tears_ 0
Happy Thoughts_ 15,430
Sad Thoughts_ 15,429          
Mood Boosting Calories_ Best not to count!      

Little miss depressive appears to have escaped from her reinforced steel cage and is now running amok around my mind.  I've tried everything I can think of to release happier hormones around my body; exercise, chocolate [shame the two cancel each other out], evening primrose oil etc...  I am now lost for what to do. I have resorted to simply giving in to the bitch and having a good cry, hopeful that maybe once it is out of my system I will feel better.  From experience, I imagine not.  Once she is out, she likes to play around and enjoy as much freedom as she can.  Turning me in to a crying, moaning, self-pitying idiot.  So I'm not going to write much today.  In all honesty, I have very little to write because I havn't done much with myself.  All I can write is how crap she is making me believe my life is, and I don't like to write moany, whingey, 'woe is me' blogs so I won't give her that satisfaction of making me do it [with the exception of this short paragraph of course].  Instead I am just going to sit with cuddles the teddy bear and perhaps go up to mothers for some company after I have eaten.  If anyone understands it is surely the woman who suffered PMT for 20 years and has now replaced the mood swings with monthly pains.  How happy am I to have inherited these genes?  Thankyou mother!

Jobs Applied For_ 1
Tears_ 1
Upsetting Thoughts_ Too many
Minutes of Exercise_ 50 minutes [getting fitter, woop woop!]