On Sunday my four leaf clovers looked to be dead.  Ooops!  But not to worry, they were just a bit thirsty, the needy little gits need water every day it would seem!  Today they are loving life, both opened up photosynthesising like there is no tomorrow.  If this doesn't give me hope, then my new little bloomer does.  Of the five sprouting newbies one is starting to open up today.  Fingers crossed this genuinely is a sign of luck and not just a random act of nature.

Yesterday, after a break of possibly over a month now, I finally returned to my website.  In interviews I have claimed it as a hobby but I have always felt like a liar, knowing that I did it for a couple of weeks and then gave up.  Not a good thing to mention in an interview though, no-one wants a quitter.  But I am not a quitter, so I have finally got back to it.  I feel fresh and enjoy it again.  It isn't as awful and hideous as I had convinced myself from spending too much time with it.  It has regained love in my heart, and will hopefully get finished this time.  If nothing else, it is proving a good distraction from my thoughts right now.  Just to get my exercise bug back now... I can feel it but I'm not quite finding the energy or motivation to do it just yet.

Tomorrow is the goodbye.  Last Wednesday was full of shock and despair.  But since then I have been living in the happy, flowery fields of denial.  I have had the odd time when I have cried, going to her house being one of them.  But even that wasn't a time for realisation.  Why would it?  She is just in hospital, she is coming out tomorrow and she will be fine again.  Or so I am convinced.  I've only ever been to one funeral, and that was only in a supportive capacity for my best friend when his dad died.  I don't know how I'm going to cope tomorrow.  Will reality finally set in?  Or will I have another day of tears before the denial returns for a few more weeks until I realise I really am never seeing her again?

At least I have my spanish lessons to distract myself.  I am becoming addicted.  So much so that I was even doing it in bed last night.  I love to learn.  Learning is all I have ever really known.  If I can't have education in my life anymore, I will bluddy well teach myself things!

Jobs Applied For_ 2
Tears_ 0
5-a-day?_ Success!
Chocolate_ 0
Music of Choice_ Lady Gaga