"You look a bit pale and rough" was the greeting I got when I walked in to the mothers house last night.  What a polite greeting.  The step father isn't one to keep these opinions to himself.  He can spot a make-up free day a mile off.  Usually I'm just lacking in the foundation department... and my cheeks aren't as naturally rosy as I would like without the aid of blusher.  Last night was different though, not only did I look rough, I felt it too.  I don't get ill, my allergies drive me up the wall sometimes but a quick spray and I'm back to normal again.  The second mother realised that I am under the weather she ran to the kitchen cupboards, digging out every possible medicine out.  The motherly instinct kicks in at the slightest sight of a sneeze... although she seems to have lost track of my ageing process, still offers me calpol every time.  And then, with it being the second leg of the play-off dreams she began to drink.  After her first drink I went from having a bit of a cold, potentially mild flu, to being a swine flu risk... if I don't get better soon I need to get on the phone to the NHS.  I know nobody from Mexico, nobody who has been to Mexico, nobody who has been diagnosed with swine flu yet... wouldn't that just be super luck if I somehow caught it from some dirty air.  She will be blaming miasma and worrying that I have the plague next.  It makes a nice change from her standard 'look at the light' meningitis test though.  I blame the dirty step sister personally.  I have little contact with the outside world, the father himself said he thought I had become a bit of a recluse in recent weeks because I have been in my room a lot, so really the only person who could have brought such diseases in to the house is the dirty school child... she is ill herself, I'm not just placing blame on people I dislike.  Makes me glad I'm free from the germ infested classrooms of my youth because I'm not enjoying these few achey, sore days at all.  I fear that I may have caught a serious case of....... MAN FLU!!!  What better cure for illness than scrambled eggs though?  I love eggs... poached, boiled, occassionally fried, but I never have scrambled eggs.  Only when I'm ill do such cravings come to mind... perhaps it was mother brainwashing me as a child, or perhaps the easy protein is good for the fighting anti-bodies, either way I am fighting my way through this with scrambled eggs and Lemsip, I'll let you know if it works soon.

Having lost my appetite through illness I decided to weigh myself today.  I weigh myself most days but I'm trying to cut back after the boyfriend said I have a disorder at weekend and my issues with the scales are a bit excessive in all honesty.  Today I weighed in at 11stone 13pounds!!!  Having been 9stone 7pounds on Monday this figure was slightly alarming... so I weighed myself again.  Fortunately I havn't been gaining weight at the rate of a stone a day, I'm not on my way to morbid obesity within the month, I am my normal weight... don't particularly trust the scales as much anymore though.

I heard back from the Pension Centre last Thursday.  Surprise Surprise, I wasn't successful.  I kept this to myself though, hoping that maybe I would have more luck with the other position I went for... but I didn't hear back from that one.  It was an emotional day, there were lots of tears... but I didn't want  I broke the news to the boyfriend in an emotional state on Friday night.  I had no idea how to tell the mother the news.  Apparently she spoke to me over MSN to tell me to phone them and find out what is going on... I didn't see this because the kind, thoughtful boyfriend hid it from me.  Had to face her sometime.  She asked again on Saturday, but knowing I would burst in to tears at the mention of it I cleverly armed myself with the letter for her to read.  It would be fair to say that she was furious.  I was terrified to tell her after them joking that any idiot can do that job... well not this idiot was my thinking... well only idiots was her thinking.  It was nice that mother and the step father jumped to my defence and were furious but still doesn't help my confidence levels.  Must keep telling myself.... everything happens for a reason.  What the hell is the reason for all this?!?!! It's starting to get on my nerves now!  Possible interview next week so maybe thats the reason?  Who knows?

Jobs Applied For_ 0
Tears_ Several
5-a-day?_ Food in general is on the low at the moment
Chocolate_ 1 little bar to boost my mood