I'm sat at the boyfriend's computer with my heart pounding faster than I like... especially considering he isn't even here to cause the pounding.  Tomorrow I have an interview, and I think it is fair to say the nerves have just set in.  Well, the nerves have been coming on and off since I found out about the interview last Tuesday, but now they are definitely back.  I hate interviews... does anyone actually like them though?  I am scared of interviews for random jobs that I want just to keep me busy while I look for something better.  I am terrified of design jobs.  I am absolutely petrified of this one.  The interview is for a marketing assistant vacancy in the boyfriend's home time.  The mother had been telling me to see if I could find anything around here if I couldn't find anything at home so one day a couple of weeks ago I decided to just have a quick browse while I did my normal commutable searches.  This one particular job stood out; I've always liked the sound of a marketing career [when I say always, I mean this past year since the design thing hasn't been going so great] so I decided to apply for it.  I probably wouldn't get any further but at least I would feel like I have still been applying.  Last week I was offered an interview...... I keep trying to tell myself that they wouldn't have offered me an interview if they didn't think I'm suitable but I still can't see past the qualification issues.  Although many careers can be started with a degree, irrelevant of the subject studied, as an educationally focussed girl I can't see past my qualifications; regardless of my skills I lack the confidence without the official certificate to prove it.  So much so that I had questioned whether or not to even attend the interview; but who gains anything without trying?  And who can complain about being jobless if they don't at least try when they are offered the opportunity.a

Despite my dependance on qualifications for confidence, I am a big believerin signs.  They help to boost me, even if momentarily, so that I have some self-belief.  I had no reason to believe that I would get an interview for this job; I have never applied for a marketing job before, and I have certainly never searched in the boyfriend's town for jobs through worrying that he might think I'm some sort of insane stalker trying to take his space away from him.  But regardless of these facts I got an interview.  I took this as sign number one.  But I am a worrier so this sign has fallen deep in to the abyss of my worried mind many times through the week.  On the drive here last night came sign number two.  A rainbow.  At first it was a faint incomplete one but as we got closer another one appeared, full and bright.  Crazy or not, as a religious girl I always take a rainbow as some sort of little sign from God, so two of them filled me with a happy sense of optimism.  But once again, with it being the day before the interview the uncontrollable nerves and rock-bottom self-confidence levels have returned.  I feel sick.  I feel shakey.  I occassionally have to resist the urge to cry through fear.  Tomorrow I shall just have to put my faith in fate and put on the cheery happy face that comes to me in interviews and rely on my natural skills opposed to my specific qualifications.

In other news, yesterday I made the landmark 2 years with the boyfriend.  But is it weird to get each other identical cards?  Perhaps not... but is it weird when you got each other identical presents 6 months earlier too?  I like to think it is cute but can't help but wonder if he thinks it is a bit freaky and weird. 

But for now I must get on with my company research to help tame the nerves at least a little bit.

Jobs Applied For_ 0
Tears_ 0 [yet]

"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, 'Always do what you are afraid to do.'"_ Ralph Waldo Emerson