On Monday I applied for a job.  One of those recession desperation jobs.  Take it or leave it I won't be offended if I don't hear back.  I heard back, wooh!  So on Tuesday I phoned to arrange an interview.  Today, I attended the interview.  As a take it or leave it desperation job I went into it fearless, "I'm not letting myself worry, It's not like its my dream job and I've never come out of an interview crying" were my famous last words to the boyfriend.  I had decided not to be worried after the father had done some research for me last night.  I had googled it to death and could barely find a thing... bad sign number 1!  The father didn't find much more, but what he did find wasn't exactly a glowing report ... definite bad sign number 2!  But what did I have to lose?  And the old fear of people judging me for not trying hard enough was haunting me enough to get me on the bus.  So I reached the building with about 20 minutes to spare but apparently had an application form to fill in so I headed straight on in, the small office was in a rather neglected looking building.... bad sign number 3!  But like I said, I had nothing to lose from the experience.  So after waiting for an hour, yes I was 20 minutes early but an hour of waiting still makes it 40 minutes late, my name was finally called.  The nerves set in slightly when I heard his strong american accent, would I be able to understand him?  It all started friendly with a chat about football... and then it turned sour.  No mention of what the job entailed, straight on to the attack.  Of course, I expect questions regarding my work experience and how I have spent the last year.  The boyfriend says I need to improve my lying truth stretching on this area but with or without my honest nature I realise that when they jot down their private little notes it may be about my lack of experience, or if I have successfully lied then my honest face that gives me away.  In short, I expect professionalism.  NO JOB.  UNEMPLOYED SINCE JULY 08.  NO EXPERIENCE.  I do not expect to see him writing such things in such huge capital letter on his sheet right in front of my eyes.  It took all my strength to not cry.  From that point on I left the room, unfortunately not physically [I so wish I had been brave enough to just walk out] but mentally I had left.  Further questioning on how my parents feel about my jobless state and living at home... the relevance?... just upset me more and I could not wait to get out.  The boyfriend phoned me afterwards to stop my tears, they weren't worth my tears.  Fair to say it was the worst interview I have ever experienced, I wasn't expecting to hear from them again

5:46pm... 01612421780 appears on my screen.  After todays hellish experience, I didn't want to answer to be told the inevitable bad news so I let it go through to my answer phone.  The message tone jingled so I nervously dialled to listen to it.  I've been chosen for the second round of observation days.  What?!?!!!?!!!  I have never performed so badly in an interview.  I nearly cried.  He scribbled nothing but negative comments on my sheet.... bad sign number 4?  Would a legitimate company invite someone back after the world's worst interview?  Strict dress code of no heels... bad sign number 5!  No heels?  Why ever not?  Am I walking around a lot, from door to door possibly?  The boyfriend was highly doubtful from the very start so off he went to google.  What would the 3rd google of this company show?  Having spoken to the father I had decided to give it a go, I would never know if I didn't try and I could leave at any time.  More importantly in my mind I feared judgement.  I feared people having no sympathy for my position if I don't take the opportunities that come my way.  I feared that people don't think I'm trying.  I fear other people's opinions of me more than I should.  But, as if 5 bad signs weren't enough the boyfriend's google produced many more not so glowing reports.

Will I be going tomorrow?  No!!!  Do I care about what people will think? No!!!  I know the people that care about me and know me understand and don't judge me.  And I will not be the victim of scammers preying on desperation, judge me on that, I'm not wrong.  Now to just find a bluddy job, father says things are picking up a bit now, fingers crossed.  Speaking to the brother about interior design, educating him on true interior design opposed to the overrated decorating shows on TV, I once again remembered why I did my degree and why I want to be a designer.  No other topic of conversation, apart from maybe girly chats about the boyfriend, makes me happier.  I can speak of nothing else with such passion and excitement.  Everthing worth having is worth waiting for, and for me this is definitely worth it..... I think the wait has been quite long enough now though.

Time for some Ugly Betty and a cold glass of refreshing milk before bed.

Jobs Applied For_ 0
Tears_ 3