I sit at my computer a glowing shade of red.  I've just been for a stroll with father, I'm not glowing because I am so unfit I can barely handle a leasurely walk around the block.  I have taken on depression and beaten it... did I ever really have it in the first place?  I'm still doubtful.  Today's cherry red face and excessive tears are thanks to something much more haunting................... hormones!!!  Like werewolves, female kind can take a dramatic shift each month.  Perhaps to compare us to werewolves is more like what a man would say, but as a sufferer I can think of no better term.  From a normal, relatively happy [if you ignore the manic-depressive episodes] girl to someone that I barely recognise.  I can understand why men think it is all just an act, just an excuse to go a little crazy each month.  It is irrational.  It comes from nowhere.  It makes no sense.  If we can't explain it then how can we expect them to understand?  The father tells me its genetic, the mother turned in to an angry lunatic each month.  Luckily I didn't get the anger, the boyfriend doesn't have to watch out for flying frying pans... I got the tears.  I like to blame situational issues too, if I weren't already struggling with the day to day then what would I have to cry about?..... well, I'm sure I could find something.
What has baffled me this month however, is how my body knows?  Everybody does it... everybody skips a period here and there.  I read up on it [in fear that I was killing any chances I have of ever having children] and apparently there is no danger in carrying on through a couple of pill packets.  I fear a slap on the wrist at check-ups but I simply can't resist the opportuinity to fiddle nature from time to time.  And somehow, recently my body has known this.  The hormones come in the final week of taking the pill so my body has no way of knowing that I will be giddily skipping past nature with a smile on my face this month... yet the past few months I have come away [relatively] tear-free.  Perhaps too much detail for the men reading now, but after two skipped months I fear skipping another so nature shall be having it's turn this month.  But my body doesn't yet know this, my body still has a week until it suffers withdrawal from man-made oestrogen.  So how does my body know that this month I am due my dose of PMT?  It knew to skip past that torture recently, how does it know that this is the month.  And why is it hitting me with everything it has?  The lesson perhaps..... don't mess with nature.  Lesson learnt?  I doubt it........

I've had the boyfriend two weekends in a row.  Social engagements in the next two weekends [one weekend being mine for once... finally I have a social life] mean that I got his two weekends in a row before those sad weekends apart.  From waking up to watch Nicky Campbell in bed this morning, to napping on my bed this afternoon like a couple of exhausted pensioners.  I love my weekends with the boyfriend.  Like all couples we have our little disagreements from time to time but recently we have been the happy, fun-loving and very 'intimate' couple.  I have felt totally stress-free and happy.  But then I didn't realise what was coming........ this afternoon out of nowhere, the full moon shone.  The werewolf greeted us unexpectadly.  Why was I crying?  What was wrong with me?  From the tiniest comment, came a giant elephant in the room.  He wanted to know what was wrong, and being a man he was determined to keep asking until he got his answer.  I just wanted to drop it and move on, I knew what was coming if his line of questioning continued.  I left the room, I imagine it looked like I was storming out in a strop but in reality I know how much he hates it when I cry so I was merely trying to calm myself down and prevent the inevitable tears.  Failed.  The moment passed though, he thought I was mental but we went back to happy and after a lovely day we fell asleep on my bed.  Until he had to go.... then I cried some more, something I thought I was past now, I had adapted to no longer crying when he leaves... so once again here I blame the hormones.

Is it always hormones?  Or do we really sometimes use it as an excuse?  Maybe sometimes we just need a good cry, just need to get it out.  Maybe the hormones do have something to do with it?  Why else have I cried quite so much today?  But maybe sometimes it is just a good excuse for just being a bit of a crazy mental lunatic for a day, to get away with things without a rational explanation........ trouble is, you men will never know so just to be safe, you will just have to be understanding regardless.